Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
