my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
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it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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