I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
