So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
