brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Randomize
