you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
