Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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