At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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