I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I could make wine with my vomit
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
