billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
