Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Slut skills are useful in every country.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Found your dick twin last night
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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