when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
