Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
