Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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