Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
