Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
sarcasm needs its own font
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
