mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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