i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
