I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The best revenge is premature balding
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
