My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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