so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
