I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
