Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
