my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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