help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
