I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
