Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Did we literally take a cab across the street
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
