Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
