in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
