You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
