Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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