finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
