What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
