Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
