Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
