I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's official drugs can't kill me
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
