the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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