as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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