well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
