i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
