yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
