He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
