Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There's always time for handjobs
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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