Someone shit on the floor
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
