were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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