where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
