TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
