I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
