I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
