Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We got so high we made milksteak
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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