One girl and one boy is just not enough.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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