My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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