the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
