Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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